Dear Nicole... how do I tell my homophobic mother that I'm bisexual?

By Nicole Clevenger



Dear Nicole, how can I go about telling my extremely homophobic mother that I'm bisexual? I've known that I'm not straight since I was 8 years old. I'm now 25 and I prefer women to men.


Coming out is daunting, it’s nauseating, but the weight of carrying this “secret” inside you can wear you down and can actually be worse in the long run.


If you feel it’s time just turn to her and say “I’m bisexual, I like women.” There’s no good time. There’s no perfect moment. Sometimes you just need to stand up in front of the TV, tell her to pause Grey’s Anatomy, and just spit it out.


If you are still dependent on your mother and live with her, it might be a good idea to have an exit plan if it goes wrong. Have a bag packed and have a friend you can stay with. Having someone on standby that you can go debrief/vent/bitch with after is a good idea either way. Have someone ready with a takeaway and a nice bottle of bubbly waiting to celebrate.*


At the end of the day, it’s a process. She might not accept you right then and there, but you are her daughter and if she wants to have a relationship with you she will have to overcome her prejudice. You need to be patient with her, but also stand strong in your truth and who you are.


I’m proud of you, you’re doing great. Be proud who you are <3


*Advice for the pre-/post-covid world! Maybe a video call while isolating.



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