• EMPWR Contributor

Dear Nicole... is it common to doubt your sexuality?

Updated: Jul 1

"This is such a common experience among queer women, especially bi women"


By Nicole Clevenger



Dear Nicole, there have been times that I’ve been attracted to girls but I always doubt it for some reason as like 'oh It’s a girl crush doesn’t mean anything you just admire her looks you aren’t really attracted'.


I talk myself out of actually being attracted I think? It’s like I’m scared to say "I’m a bi girl" because I tell myself it’s not real for so long and I’ve never experienced anything with a girl before, I've only ever been with men I’m am just very confused. There are times I confidently say "I’m gay! I think girls are so cute" and then another part of me is like "stop, you’re lying." Is this common?


Dear reader, girl, join the club! This is such a common experience among queer women, especially bi women. “Oh everyone just agrees that women are beautiful. Everyone kind of wants to kiss their girlfriends, nothing gay about that.”


Spoiler alert: there’s actually a lot gay about that.


But we can approach this from a scientific perspective: Experiments must be conducted. Hop onto Tinder, or mosey down to the George if you’re in Dublin*, and just try to find a girl to kiss. Results must be repeated to be proven true, so make sure you have a wide sample field ;)


Worst Case Scenario: You try it out with a girl, you don’t feel “The Spark”, shrug it off, no harm done.


Best Case Scenario: You are now imbued with powerful gay energy and have ascended to the astral sapphic plane of existence. Welcome.


Figuring it out is tricky.


*Advice given applies to post-quarantine life! Please only cyber kiss until lockdown measures are lifted.


If you'd like to ask Nicole a question anonymously you can do so here.



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