Dear Nicole... my partner's sex drive is not as high as mine

"The root of all good sex is communication."


By Nicole Clevenger


Dear Nicole, I’m in a wlw (woman-loving-woman) relationship.


My sex drive is so high and hers used to be too. Our relationship is amazing, however, at the moment we only have sex once every few weeks.


How can it happen more often? I try initiating yet keep getting rejected.


Dear reader, The root of all good sex is communication.


If she doesn’t want to have sex there’s no real way to “convince” her. There may be a cause to her lower drive - stress, hormone changes, life changes, etc. Or there may be no reason at all. Either way, you need to talk to her. Explain to her that you have this need, and it’s becoming a problem for you. But don’t try to guilt her into sex, don’t make her feel bad for not wanting sex. She hasn’t done anything wrong by not having a high sex drive.


Remember: You are your own most important sex partner. I give you my blessing to masturbate yourself into a coma.


If you want to involve your partner, you might just need to get creative. Maybe there are certain acts your girlfriend feels more comfortable doing. Or maybe she can watch you get yourself off, or talk dirty to you as you get off… there might be something neither of you has considered but might like to explore. Take a look at a website such as sexsiopa.ie and see if anything looks interesting.


What are you craving from sex - the physical release or the intimacy? Some time reflecting on this will help you in talking to your girlfriend. It’ll give you a lead in - maybe there are things you both want to focus on.


For that feeling of closeness, there are ways to be physically intimate without sex. Massage each other, taking a bath together, dancing (or maybe that’s just me but swaying to a slow song together in the kitchen is like the HEIGHT of romance for me. I’m a simple lesbian this is all I want). Again, get creative.


Basically just go talk to her, be open about your needs but don’t pressure her. When there is honesty and trust in a relationship communication turns into CUMmunication ;) ;) ;)


Dear Nicole... on Love Life and LGBTQ+, ask a question anonymously here.


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