By Laylah Beattie
Let’s talk about a very charming young man that I encountered on the internet recently. Think you know where this is going? I doubt it.
What I’m about to describe is an experience that I think is unique to trans women. Not sexual harassment, unfortunately a lot of people experience that, but a specific form of sexual harassment that’s a result of the trans fetish. It’s hard to explain without an example, but lucky for me, I have many examples to draw from.
One day, I was up to my eyeballs in work when I received a message on my Facebook writer’s page. Unfortunately, I often receive sexual harassment through this page and whenever I see a message from a man, I can’t help but sigh. Because more often than not, it’s someone looking to fuck me from behind. Below are the messages that I received. Although I’ve fixed all of his grammar errors because this is my book.
Hi David, how are you today? *Lipstick Emoji*
I’m good thank you.
You’re really pretty you know that? I haven’t been with a boy or transgender yet but I would love it to be you. Are you up for it?
What do you think beautiful? Will you be my first?
Do you think this is an escort service?
No I don’t but I’ve been watching your videos and you’re very inspirational. Maybe we can have a chat before you take my cherry? See I’m still in the closet and I think talking to you will help me.
I’m really not trying to be funny but what the fuck makes you think that I’d be interested in doing that? I’m an actual person. You can’t just message your local tranny when you want to experiment and expect me to jump on the opportunity. I hope you find your happiness but don’t ever send a message like this to someone like me again. Running this page is part of my job and I have the right not to get sexually harassed when I do so. It’s incredibly demeaning.
I received no response for a couple of hours, but this incident really stuck with me. I was angry. How dare he objectify me like that. Also, when I clicked onto this guy’s profile, I realised that he only lived down the road from me. I’m not going to lie, I felt a little scared at that fact. There’s a very real possibility that I could encounter him some day. What would he do then? Harass me in person? Beat me? Rape me? Murder me?
Most likely, he’d duck his head while walking along with his girlfriend or his daughter, but you never know. Then I felt angry that he was making me feel unsafe. I thought about all of the women like me who experience this every day and how little awareness there is about it. I decided to do something. Even though it risked making him angrier, I posted the messages (not including his name) on my Facebook page along with a note about how sick I was of being fetishised. Before long, I received this response.
How’s it going pal? Some little pox bottle was on my page. All I can do is apologise for the previous text messages. May I say just don’t get too big for your boots. Peace out!
Sure. You’re a fucking idiot. Thank you for the advice. Hope you manage to get a life and come out some day.
Are you having a laugh pal?
Yes this is hilarious for me.
I told you someone was on my Facebook, I’ve apologised which you have clearly not accepted, give your head a shake man. Good luck.
Again I’m not being funny but what makes you think I’m actually that gullible. I’m really not the one who need to “give my head a shake” hun. I’m not the one harassing strangers and then lying about it.
You’re already too big for your boots goodbye.
Because I had to have the last word and I’d kind of said all I had to, I resorted to criticising his use of your when it should have been you’re. No you’re childish!
Okay have you read the exchange? Did you have to read it more than once? I certainly did because it’s hard to make sense of it all. Let’s analyse this particular incident of harassment. Where to begin?
Let’s start with the possibility of some “little pox bottle” hacking this man’s page. First of all what would their aim be? To privately message me in an attempt to shame this man? To make me desperate to have sex with this random stranger only to discover that it was a big joke? To express their own desires but through another person’s identity? I think we can all pretty much agree that the “little pox bottle” is non-existent. This man not only insulted me with his harassment, he went on to insult my intelligence with his miserable denial of it all.
Now let’s move on to the change in his language once he’d realised that I wasn’t going to “take his cherry.” I went from being called “pretty” and “beautiful” and “inspirational” to being called “pal” and “man” and “too big for my boots.” Because if I’m no longer a sexual being, let’s treat me like one of the guys, one of the pals, one of the men.
I don’t even really know what to say about the “too big for your boots” comment. Oh excuse me Greg, how dare I wish to be respected by men on the internet. Who do I think I am? Of course I should be flattered by this indecent proposal. After all, who else is going to want to touch a tranny?
His language says the following.
Me man. Me want to fuck pretty tranny. Me think tranny can help me come to terms with these confusing sensations in my penis. That’s tranny’s job. Wait what? Tranny doesn’t want to. Tranny is not impressed? How dare tranny. Tranny too big for their boots.
I’m so sick of being treated like a desperate, sex-crazy, kinky porn-star (not a judgement) that these men are obviously using to get themselves off. It’s disgusting and humiliating (for both of us) and so far from the truth that it’s almost comedic.
I will not stand for sexual harassment. I will not lie down and take it. I will fight for my right to exist without it. I will fight for my right to fuck whoever I want to. I will fight for my right to love and be loved.
Before you laugh at those messages and dismiss this man as some kind of crazy pervert, think about the role that society has in this fetishisation. Any man who’s attracted to me will be analysed by society. His sexuality questioned. His motives doubted. This is not only insulting to myself and himself, but it creates a culture of shame.
That shame results in these men being unable to make a genuine connection with any trans woman. They become a dirty secret, a kink, a disgusting desire. Which results in encounters like this being a part of my everyday life. And also results in an increased probability of me thinking that this is what I deserve and therefore putting myself into dangerous situations.
The more I experience men and their interactions with myself, the more I begin to believe that men who are attracted to trans women are not the minority. They are your son, your father, your uncle, your neighbour and they deserve to love whoever they want to, just like everyone else.
They need your support.
If you won’t do it for them, do it for me.
 If you’re wondering why I responded, Facebook kindly rates your page based on whether you respond to messages or not. Therefore, I always have to respond to people even if I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like what they have to say.
 No Greg, I have no idea of what I look like. But let me express how delighted I am that my face makes your cock erect. Thank you for validating me in this way!
 Not a noun!
 Awh! You mean we must have a conversation before I get the honour of having sex with you?
 Helping you come to terms with your desire to suck my dick? How could I ever refuse?
 I’m on top of the world pal!
 Wouldn’t you hate it if a little pox bottle went on your page? I don’t know about you but that really puts my problems into perspective.
 What are you implying pal? Do I not seem peaceful to you? Why would that be?